Nous Deux
by AzzyDarling
Summary: He had been picked up by some recruiters back on earth. They had promised him three meals a day in return for some hard physical labor. John had been fine with that; he had been so damn hungry that it felt like his stomach had been eating itself. They could have asked him to donate his kidney for an energy bar and he would have said yes. [romance m/m]
1. Jake and the Conatix recruitment

_Shut your eyes and think of somewhere_  
_Somewhere cold and caked in snow_  
_By the fire we break the quiet_  
_Learn to wear each other well_

_And when the worrying starts to hurt_  
_and the world feels like graves of dirt_  
_Just close your eyes until_  
_you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will_

_-Snow Patrol_

* * *

He had been picked up by some recruiters back on earth. They had promised him three meals a day in return for some hard physical labor. John had been fine with that; he had been so damn hungry that it felt like his stomach had been eating itself. They could have asked him to donate his kidney for an energy bar and he would have said yes.

He and roughly ten other boys ranging somewhere between 10 and 18 had showed up at the abandoned house where the recruiters had asked them to be. He might have thought it a little weird that they had weighed them and checked their teeth. The recruiter had looked at him with sad eyes, and for a second he had panicked, the thought of having to leave again, to go back to nothing seemed so overwhelming that he would have done just about anything. How old are you boy? She had asked. Shepard had bit his lip, he knew he was way skinny and would pass for younger than he was. 12. He had said. Only to be interrupted by Jake who had pushed him, _like fuck you're 12_. Jake had said and looked at the recruiter, _He's at least 14, he's just a little shit._

The recruiter had frowned at John, and had turned her attention to Jake. John had to think fast, and had raised his voice, _Ma'am please_. He had said, no actually he had begged.

She had shaken her head, and mumbled a sorry kid, and then continued with Jake. John had stuffed his hands in his pockets, and hung his head, he wasn't looking forward to going outside again, maybe no one would notice if he hid upstairs? And that was what he had done,he hid upstairs between some crates and had fallen asleep, worrying about where he would find his next meal, and how much he wanted to kick Jake's fucking teeth in.

Next thing he had known he had woken to voices and had crawled inside an open crate and closed the lid, pretty sure they would be pissed if they found him still in the house. John still didn't know why he had gotten into that crate, he had just acted without thinking, not wanting to be smacked around and kicked out. Apart from it being humiliating, it was way harder to get away with anonymity when you had a shiner. He had hardly dared to breathe as the crate had been picked up.

He had managed to stay hidden for two days before a mechanic oticed him as John tried to steal his food. Desperation had driven him out of the crate, and had made him bold enough to try and steal that plate of food. To John's surprise, the mechanic let him eat it before he called it in. His name had been Glenn, John would always remember that. He couldn't remember the last time someone had spoken to him like this, asked him if he was okay, and what his name was. And honestly he had most probably acted like he had been raised by wolves, never answering the nice man, just wolfing down the food.

It had been a massive clusterfuck when they realized he was on aboard, he still remembered them arguing over his head, some wanted to space him, others wanted to keep him, and others again said that no good would come from 'creative' minds like his. In the end the man with authority and cruel grey eyes had stopped them, and said that he would take the kid on. John had instinctively been afraid of him, he had seen that gleam the man had in his eyes before, and it was never anything good.

The man's name was Luke, and he had grabbed John by his neck and marched him none too gently towards the living quarters. It had been a very surprised Jake who woke up when John was tossed into the heap of sleeping kids.

And now he was here, freezing his fucking ass off on the Gagarin station. John looked around miserably, he had taken a wrong turn somewhere and he had no idea where he was. This station was a bloody maze, and everything looked the same only separated by numbers, and it was real hard to remember if it was 2004 or 2008 or maybe 2010 when your teeth were clattering from the cold. "Fuck." He mumbled, putting down the box he was carrying. It was supposed to go to the officers' quarters, but all he could see was pale blue walls and numbers. Shepard wiped his nose on his sleeve, and thought to himself that he could just as well have stayed on Earth. He could see his breath as little puffs of mist in the air, fuck this shit, the second he was 18 he was so out of here. He remember being told that the army would pay for your meals and give you a roof over your head. At least it had to be less cold to be in the army, who had the need for an entire army with their brains filled with snot?

"You lost?"

John turned around and looked at a little fragile looking girl. Her skin was olive colored, she looked healthy and mighty pretty. Horribly self-conscious, John, hid his thin, pale arms behind his back and tried to give her a smile. "Yeah." He admitted. "I have to deliver this to the officers of this wing, but -"

She looked down at the package. "You look cold. You're shaking." She stated with a worried expression.

"I'm good." John said taking a step back, he wasn't supposed to be even talking to this girl. It could mean the difference between getting fed, or not. And if Luke was in an especially bad mood, he'd end up with a bruised lip too or something similarly delightful. "Just - " He winced, scared that anyone would see him talking to her. It was like the biggest no-no around here, never talk to the brain-camp kids! He didn't quite know why, he just followed orders because the consequences were bad. "What's the number. I sorta forgot."

The girl looked him up and down, it was clear that she wanted to say something more than she did. "2004" she said.

"Thanks." John said with a little smile, fighting the urge to wipe his nose again. "So.. Take care." He picked up the box and started to walk down the corridor.

"Eh it's the other way." The girl said with a grin.

"Oh.." John flinched, "I knew that."

"Of course you did."

John hurried to the officers' quarters, he could hear them laughing and talking long before he made it to the room. One of the Turian officers looked up as John tried to put down the box without being noticed. "Hey Boy." He gruffed.

"Sir." John said, nodding "I – eh, it's the stuff you asked for." He said, walking slowly backwards just in case he had to bolt. "From central provisions."

The Turian who had spoken stared at him for a long time. "Alright." He said, "Piss off."

"Yes, Sir." John peeped and scrambled out of the room as quickly as he could. No way he wanted to stick around to see what the Turians came up with. He had been told, no, more like had drilled into him that the kids were dangerous 'they can kill you with their mind alone' is what Jane had told him, but John was more scared of all the Turians, not only because they were super tall and had guns, but because it was impossible to read their mood on their face. They must be a bitch to play poker with.

He hurried back to where Luke and Jane lived, but found his pillow and blanket out in the hall. He didn't need to check to know that the door was locked. He sighed and picked up the blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders, sitting down next to the door. He could hear them clearly from his side of the door, apparently enjoying some alone time – Again. He wasn't a kid, he knew exactly what went on, but it still made him blush slightly and pull the blanket over his head and cover his ears.

John knew that lots of the boys and girls he knew back on Earth would do it both for money or food, and with each other for whatever reasons. He had never done it, nor had he been invited to anyone's bed. He wasn't sure he would have said no, it was just that he never had the chance to say yes. He wasn't made of stone or nothing, but usually he had 99 other things to worry about, and getting naked wasn't one.

"John?"

John looked up seeing Jake standing there in the stark hall light. His nose was bleeding and his eye was half closed, the lid swelling shut. "Jake?" John didn't think twice but just extended his blanket inviting Jake under it. "Dude you're freezing." He whispered, "How long have you been walking around?"

"Dunno." Jake mumbled leaning up against John for body heat.

John rubbed Jake's shoulder and arm. He wasn't gonna ask what he had done to get kicked out for the night like that. Or why he looked like he made impact with a Krogan, it just wasn't important. "Did you get any dinner?"

Jake shook his head.

"Wanna go get some?" John said with a little smile, and a sniffle.

"Yeah." Jake said still shivering slightly. "Won't you get in trouble?"

"Fuck no, they won't check on me for hours and hours." John, squeezed Jake's shoulder, "Let's go."

They got up and John let Jake have the blanket, rubbing his arms in the cold air. He wished that Conatix would have been less stingy and had heated the corridors. They made their way through the night empty corridors like a couple of ghosts, good thing they were used to sneaking around back on Earth. Hearing voices, they stopped and hid in a corner, Holding Jake back with an arm, John peeked around the corner. "We're good." He whispered and pulled Jake with him down the corridor, both boys trying to move silently and fast.

They stopped outside the locked kitchen doors. John looked up at the air duct, "Check it." He smiled, "Gimme a hand." Stepping up on Jake's knee to his joined hands, and up on his shoulder, John made it to the duct, he picked the fence off and slowly lowered it down to Jake. "Alleyoop." He mumbled and used all the strength he had in him to get his torso inside the duct. "Wait here." He whispered, the duct echoed so that he cringed at how loud it sounded.

"'kay." Jake whispered back.

Pushing the duct grate open to the kitchen, John halfway expected three armed Turians to gun him down, but as he landed, none too gracefully, on the floor he found it was dark and silent. "Alright." He whispered going straight for the pantry, which wasn't locked, because no one expected anyone to get into the kitchen. He grabbed some stuff that would be easy to eat, like bread. Canned goods were bad, they had nothing to open it with. He filled his pockets and made his way back to the duct, climbing unto a stove to jump into the duct. He carefully put the grill back, and crawled towards the light. He gracefully slid out and landed on the floor besides Jake. "Tada!" He grinned. "Now let's get the fuck out of here."

"The grill." Jake pointed out. John sighed but knew he was right, and ignored his rumbling stomach and the prospect of food, to put it back where it belonged.

Back in front of Luke and Jane's room, the boys sat down and started to eat. "Shit like that will get you in some deep trouble someday." Jake said softly.

"Maybe." John mumbled with his mouth full of bread. "But it's totally worth it."

"Hell, yes." Jake chuckled almost choking on the bread. He stopped chewing for a second and extended the blanket to John, who scooted in under it with a grateful smile.

"I thought you hated me." Jake said with a tiny voice.

"I don't hate you." John said with a puzzled expression, "Oh you mean the recruiters and all that? Naw man, it's good, I would have done the same."

"I somehow don't believe that." Jake said softly. "You've been nothing but kind, went above and beyond for everyone, and all I've done is look out for myself." Jake smiled, "Funny that I am much bigger than you, and still I am more afraid. You are fucking fearless, man."

Shepard chuckled and blushed a little at the compliment. "I'm not."

"So.. ehm.. about the recruitment thing, I take it you're an orphan." Jake said, breaking off another piece of bread.

"Yeah." John said, but didn't elaborate more. "You too?" He turned his head and looked at Jake who nodded. "Simian bacterial fever." - John bit his lip, "And you survived that?"

"My mother gave me the vaccine they managed to get a hold of." He said with a bloodless smile. "Told me to make something of myself." He laughed drily.

The paradox was not lost on John who joined in the chuckle. "Look at the bright side, it took you to unknown horizons."

"Dude." Jake shook his head amused. "I'll be 18 in two months, and I am so out of here."

John nodded, knowing he had four years left of this. "The army?" He asked, knowing that was most boys' best chance if they didn't have parents to pay for a fancy education.

"Yeah." Jake said.

"Me too." John said with a yawn.

Jake let John settle against his shoulder, he wanted to say something about the army not taking scrawny runts, but what he had seen of John he was sure the kid would pull it off somehow.


	2. Kaidan and the test lab kids

_AN: This chapter has brilliant artwork by Maxxie, but you have to go to Ao3 or my LJ to see it_

* * *

Jake died ten days later, John wasn't sure what killed him, but there was no shortage of theories and gossip. John didn't really buy most of them, because he knew that all Jake cared about was staying clear of the Conatix people and getting the hell out of there. But worrying about why Jake was dead was a luxury he didn't really have, he was busy worrying about himself for once. When most of the kids recruited on earth had fallen sick, the company had finally handed out some warmer clothes, but nothing withstood the cold of this place for long. John was just glad he had gotten a new pair of boots and a warm hat. Today he worked inside though, he was to mop all of compound 2, it was a sweet gig really, he was left alone, and inside. He was humming to himself, only stopping to wipe his nose, cough or flex his fingers which got ice-cold from holding on the mop handle.

"Hi again." A soft voice behind him said.

John turned around and looked straight at the slim olive skinned girl. "Oh Hi." He said with an awkward wave. "Am I in your way? Hang on a second."

"No you're not in my way." The girl said, "But.." She brushed off imaginary dust off her sleeves, she looked up at his chest where a patch with his workers number was attached. It said C2:13, meaning that he was the thirteenth worker in compound two. "I was told that you were the one to go to, if.. I mean.. that you can get anything. Is that true?"

He couldn't have been more surprised if he tried. "I suppose I can, yeah." He said with a superior smile, he wasn't even aware he had gotten a reputation around here, reputations was a dual edged sword, on one hand they were good if you wanted something, but on the other hand, they were dangerous if the wrong people learned of them. But right now he was too flattered to ask where she knew that from.

"So, I need you to get something extra nice, there is this guy.. and his birthday is coming up, and I wanted to give him something special." The girl said.

"Alright." John answered nodding, "Like what?"

"A pair of gloves to be exact." She said.

"I can do that." John nodded again.

"A nice pair, not like.. ehm.. you know, the plain ones." The girl said, squirming a little, knowing she sounded terrible.

"Of course." John smiled wide, "When do you need them?"

"In two days?" She said with a little sweet smile, meant to persuade him to hurry.

"Alright." John nodded. "We'll meet here in two days then." He tapped the floor with a boot, "Right here, around the same time -okay?"

"Okay." She said. "I don't have any money or -"

"It's fine." John said, "You'll just owe me a favor instead."

"Great! Deal!" The girl said holding out her hand, John hesitated because of what Jane had told him, but finally took her hand. "I'm Rahna, what's your name?"

"John." he said letting go of her hand.

"What's going on out here?" A large greyish Turian turned the corner, he pushed Rahna away and grabbed John's shoulder hard. His knees buckled under the pressure and he had to let go of the mop. "Were he harassing you?" The Turian asked Rahna.

"No not at all, he was just asking me if he was in the way. That's all." She said as calmly as she could.

The Turian looked down at the squirming boy at his claw. "Okay, I'll let you off this time 2:13 but it won't happen again, understood?"

"Sir, yes sir." John squeaked, relieved as the Turian let go of his shoulder. Quickly John grabbed his mop and continued mopping the floor like nothing had happened.

It had been no problem getting the gloves, because even if he had grown a lot the last six months, he was still slim and agile, which meant he could get in most places. The problem had been hiding them, because both Jane and Luke knew he didn't have a pair of gloves. You have to earn those, boy, had been the reply when he had asked. He had managed though, and hid them inside his cheap cargo pant leg. He didn't have any indoor chores today, so he had to be careful, he was supposed to be down at the cargo hangar, there were provisions flown in today.

He was shifting from foot to foot waiting, and when he was just about to leave he saw her turning the corner. "Took your time." He said annoyed, but really he was just slightly freaked out, knowing it would be noticed that he had been gone for this long.

"Hey John." She said with that sweet smile of hers. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." He said, not wanting to bore her with the details. He loosened his pants leg, letting the gloves fall out, it was a pair of nice, black leather gloves. "Will these do? I don't know your friend's size, so I just took a wild guess."

Rahna lit up in a brilliant smile, "They are perfect! Thank you!" She took a step forward and opened her arms to hug him, but John took a step back, just mumbling "you're welcome."

The awkward moment stretched out till John pocketed his hands and nodded at Rahna, "Tell your friend happy birthday." He smiled a little boyish smile, and turned on his heels.

He tried to sneak back into the cargo hangar, but failed miserably as a Turian saw him sneak back in. "Where have you been, kid?" He asked with a deep rumbling voice.

"Out to piss. Sir." John said with a casual shrug which was interrupted as the Turian smacked him backhanded across the face.

"Again."

"I was!" John said instinctively covering his face with his arms.

That night he came back to Jane and Luke's room to find his pillow and blanket in the hall again. He was too sore everywhere to care, and if he poked one of his teeth with his tongue it would rock. John just rolled himself into his blanket and laid down in the hall, he was so fucking tired and his head hurt. It was a small comfort that he had made Rahna smile, possibly made her friend happy. He didn't really know what to think about those test lab kids, he was sure it couldn't be fun to be tested day in and day out. But they weren't hungry or cold, they were invaluable assets, human biotics, pretty rare indeed. John sometimes wished that he was a biotic, just so he too could get his own room, and cake. He knew they got cake cause he had seen it in the kitchen. Lucky bastards. He was almost 16, almost, so damn close - if he could just hang in there for two more years.

John was sure that Luke was punishing him, he had been put on field detail that day. Luke worked in the kitchen, he John figured that he wanted him close or something. "So what you do." Luke said, "Is you take this backpack out to the group in the field, they're out by the old air strip."

He didn't dare to object or sigh, but he would have if he could. "Yes Sir." He just said, taking the heavy backpack, swinging it up on his back.

"I know what's in there, boy." Luke then said grabbing John's ear tugging it a little. "And don't you dare as much as breathe on it."

"Ow.. No Sir."

"Good." Luke let go and looked John up and down, "I need you to bring the left overs and the backpack back, so you have to stay there till they finish."

John nodded, "Got it."

"Good, get going!" Luke said turning his back to John.

John didn't dare to sigh before he was out of the kitchen, a walk to the old air strip that would take him at least two hours in the howling, ice-cold wind. "Bollocks." He mumbled, but none the less he just hooked his fingers in the straps around his shoulders and started walking.

His fingers were so cold they ached by the time he could see the airstrip. He shielded his eyes from the sun and the stark wind. He could see a group down on the strip, he could see the blue lightning stuff, but couldn't smell the odd Freon smell from here. At least he had found them. He had a weak hope that they'd finish quickly, and someone would give him a ride home. He stopped in his tracks for a second when he noticed who the Officer in command was, Vyrnus fucking scared him, but then again he was a scary motherfucker, and if he didn't freak you out the slightest, something was definitely wrong in your head. He took a deep breath of the crisp cold air before he walked over to the group. He just stood still, shivering in the cold, waiting for Vyrnus to address him.

"Looks like lunch is here." Vyrnus said. "Take a break." He said to the students and officers alike. John just handed him the backpack and stood back. The Turian officers retreated to the truck to eat their dinner, leaving the students and John out on the strip. He tried his hardest not to look like he was cold, and wouldn't get caught looking, but he couldn't help but to look at the students who divided the lunch between them, laughing softly and shifting food boxes between them, until everyone was happy. He noticed a boy with black leather gloves on, and couldn't help but to smile. He had to be Rahna's friend. John sorta wished she was here, and wondered why she wasn't. It seemed like all the other biotic kids from C2 was here. John shifted and rubbed his arms a little, turning to walk over to a rock to sit and wait so he didn't seem so eager for them to finish. Last thing he needed was Luke getting more upset with him for stressing the students.

"Hey!" The boy with the gloves said. "Come sit."

John shook his head mortified, and continued towards his chosen stone. Moments later someone stuck the lid of a food box in his face, it had bread and beans. John looked up to see where the gift came from, even if he sorta knew cause he recognized the gloves. "Here.. You looked hungry, eh.. it's for you." The boy smiled, "No one will know. I swear." he urged the lid into John's hands.

"Thanks." John smiled, and heard his stomach rumble in agreement. A part of him wanted to savor it, another just wanting to wolf it down. His fingers were stiff and cold so he could only eat at the pace his hands would let him. Heat enveloped his shoulders which made him look up in alarm.

"It's okay," the boy said. "My mother bought me a thermos before I came here." He smiled a little embarrassed. "You look like you are freezing your ass off. Don't – eh, don't you have a jacket?"

John threw caution at the wind and used one hand to pull the jacket closer around him, closing his eyes at the warm softness. "No." He just said

"That's crazy, they made you walk out here without a jacket?" The boy said, his brown friendly eyes full with worry.

"Don't worry about it." John said, resisting the urge to lick the lid of the box to get the rest of the food off. He handed it to the boy. "Oh and your jacket," He didn't want to lose the warmth, but they would both get in trouble if Vyrnus or any of the officers saw it.

John had been so focused on his food that he hadn't seen Patrobus getting out of the truck. "Hey Alenko, making friends?" The Turian called out. John paled ghostly white. "Go! Go!" He whispered urgently.

Kaidan turned around and looked at Patrobus, "He was shivering from the cold, and hungry. I just wanted to help."

"Did he ask for your help?" Patrobus asked walking towards them.

"No Sir." Kaidan said, shifting a little not sure what to make of the situation. And John wanting nothing more than to hide behind him.

"Then what makes you think he was in need of it?" Patrobus asked stopping in front of Kaidan and John.

"I was eyeing his food, Sir. He must have noticed." John stepped in front of Kaidan, pushing the baffled boy back.

Now Vyrnus was on his way to see what the ruckus was about, and instinctively Kaidan grabbed John's wrist, not sure if it was to calm him or John. "What's all this about?" Vyrnus asked bored.

"Alenko is playing good Samaritan with the worker." Patrobus shrugged.

"Alenko." Vyrnus sighed, "You know you're not supposed to talk to the workers."

"Yes, Sir." Kaidan mumbled from behind John.

"It was totally my fault." John cut in. "Sir..." He ducked his head and said, "I was making him uncomfortable so he -"

"Blah, blah.." Vyrnus sighed even deeper. "I don't care kid. Do yourself a favor and shut up."

John opened his mouth only to shut it again, nodding.

"So, Alenko. If you like slummin' it so much. I think you should help that worker clean up, and walk home." Vyrnus said with a little cruel chuckle. "Patrobus, get everyone else into the truck, we're leaving. And from the looks of it, Alenko is gonna miss out on nap time" He turned around laughing to himself at his own joke. And left for the truck. John and Kaidan both stood completely still and waited for them to finish loading the students into the truck and drive off.

"Sorry." John said.

"It's okay." Kaidan said. "I'm Kaidan."

"John." John said nodding.

"Oh You're Rahna's contact, huh?" He smiled and flexed his gloved fingers.

"Yeah." John said looking anywhere than at Kaidan. For an insane moment, all he wanted to do was to lean into the other boy, suck up his body heat like he had done with Jake. And he wondered if Kaidan smelled this good all the time, as good as his jacket had for the short time it had been around his shoulders. "I take it you liked them." He should be walking over to start collect the stuff from the strip, he was rooted to the spot like was he frozen through a spell.

"I love them." Kaidan said. "I uhm, I wasn't trying to get you in trouble, you just looked so – sad."

John finally looked up at Kaidan and smiled a little awkwardly, cause his lip still stung. "No trouble I can't handle. Come on, wanna help me collect all this trash?"

"Sure." Kaidan said. Placing his jacket on John's shoulders again. "Just till you get warm, okay?"

"Thanks, man." John said, looking away feeling his cheeks flush. If Rahna had a pretty smile, it was nothing compared to Kaidan's, when Kaidan smiled that soft, uncomplicated smile at him, it did funny things to his spine and he absolutely fucking loved it. Actually he wished that Kaidan would smile to him all the time.


End file.
